As a survivor of a four-year abusive relationship, I know the freedom of ending a toxic relationship, but I also know that it took me a long time before I felt strong enough to leave. And that's not uncommon: The majority of women end up staying in bad relationships (whether abusive or just plain unhealthy) for a variety of reasons. I decided to ask a few women to share why they stayed longer than they should have.
“I stayed in an unhealthy relationship because I didn't want to be seen as a failure. I thrive on accomplishments and making people proud. I thought if I worked harder or forgave more or just sucked it up, in the end it would work out like it usually does with other aspects of my life. It took me too long to realize that I was failing at something that was never supposed to be a success!”
“I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because I was having issues with my roommate and my boyfriend lived alone. He also had laundry in his apartment.”
“I stayed because I thought it would get better. We had been together for seven years when he got sick with an anxiety disorder. I gave 110 percent for two years and he never became happy again. I finally had to do something for myself and leave to make us both happy.”
“I stayed with him longer than I knew was healthy because I loved him and I thought my love would change him, as naive as that sounds. He would change his behavior temporarily, and I thought my love and support would be enough to make those changes permanent. But it was never enough, and I realized I had to get out before I lost myself entirely to someone who couldn’t love me the way I loved him.”
“I stayed because I was 'supposed to.' I stayed because we had children. I left because I realized I was teaching my sons to disrespect women by allowing myself to be treated that way.”
behind my back. I also trusted him more than I trusted what others were telling me, which was a mistake. (Just for good measure, finally leaving him was such a liberating event!)”
Have you ever stayed in an unhappy relationship for a little longer than you should have? If so, why did you stay and, more important, what did you learn?
Akirah Robinson is a breakup coach and writer who helps women pursue healthy relationships. Learn more about her at akirahrobinson.com
